I have a love/hate relationship with social media. I like community. I like keeping in touch with friends. I love the efficiency of finding a renter, a service, or a rare find on a platform like Facebook. I love posting photos of my babies (yes i'm one of those mothers..) I like hearing about how much someone loves a play or a tv show that I was a part of.
But I also hate it. I hate the addiction - and let's be honest, it's an addiction. I hate the glossy lives we all present (everyone does it, and even if we know that it's all fakey fake, it can't not have some kind of mental staying power).
Lately I've also noticed an anxiety I'm feeling. Who knows if it stems from social media. I'm not on it tons, but I do feel that the small amount that I absorb takes up space in my brain, and creates an itch in my chest.
I've tried staying off , but I'm an all or nothing kinda girl so I have to actually deactivate my accounts. And when I do - I immediately feel awesome. But there's more to it than that. There is this need to feel relevant. Especially in an industry like mine where the wives tale is that the more insta-followers you have the more likely you'll get the job. Frankly that's the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Yeah I get it. Followers equals money. And I'm scared to give up my few thousand that I've patiently collected over the years, because, like... without followers, like...who are you? To be honest, I don't even want to be cast for they types of projects that trade in followers for talent. Somewhere inside me I have to believe that there is merit in my work, that will stand alone and above how many 14 year old boys are jerking off to my posts.
So here I am at the end of what we can collectively agree on is a shitty weird year on a global scale. But a flame lights inside of me. I'm feeling positive. I'm feeling excited. Because with this year ending, another begins. And beginnings are a beautiful thing. A thing that holds promise.
My birthday is December 23rd, and with another year of beginnings for the world, it is also another year of beginnings for me. And I have a little voice inside of me that is curious. How do you change? How do you make lasting change? How do you rewire your brain so that you can achieve what you always dreamt of and yet never imagined? I don't think turning off the switch to my social accounts holds all the answers, but maybe it will give me the room and the space to discover some truths.
So, I'm taking a break on the interweb of communities for an entire year. As of January 1st, 2018, good bye Facebook. Good bye Instagram. Good bye Twitter. (Twitter has a sneaky rule that after 30 days you loose all your followers - should I have a friend login for me every month, to keep the precious few I have? .. maybe. maybe not.)
But what I do know, is that I need a break. My brain needs a break. I want to create space for something else to flourish.
But I am around. My website: agamdarshi.com and my email: firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please remember that just because I'm not on social media, I am still alive. So drop me a line. ...hm I should turn that into a t-shirt.
Stay creative & bright.